hell yes lets make some ravioli
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
