WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize