I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
