My hand turned me down
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
