i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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