$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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