is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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