Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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