So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize