So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
