The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize