so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
