He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
