you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
