Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
