Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
