i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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