life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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