At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
