she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
