Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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