Already got asked if we're dating
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
