so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
