You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How does it feel to date your dad?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
