my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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