Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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