Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
