If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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