I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
