google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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