Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
