I wish I could teleport
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
