Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
