There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
