2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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