She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
