Duck Duck Cougar?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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