My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize