She's JV to your varsity
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
