They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
