RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
