You can't motorboat a personality
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
