I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
