We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
