I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize