I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
