All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
