It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
