i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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