I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
this just has baby written all over it
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
