When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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