Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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