Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I am naked and annoyed.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize