btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
