i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
