I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
