First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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