no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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