I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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