new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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