I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
