You're completely useless in the revolution.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
