Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize