the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
