i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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