just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
