evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
