he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
