she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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