He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
