Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize