I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
