the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
