Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
