I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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