Having a random hookup so left but love u
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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