another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
