So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
