Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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