And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
