i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
