Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
