I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
