Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
