i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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