i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's blow job season.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
