u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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