I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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