we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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